i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
