Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
