you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
