i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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