I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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