The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
