You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
