All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize