Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
