I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Are my feet made of real feet?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
