did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
