Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
