wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
