we're blogging at a bar
wanna go halves on a baby?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
