so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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