I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
