Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
