Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
