she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
