I think I won the penis lottery.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
When did we convert life to cartoon?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
