dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Fuck appropriateness.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
