smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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