The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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