I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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