just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
