her vagina looked like bernie madoff
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
