It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
