It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
