Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
