u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
