just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
