I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
