Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I think people are normalizing furries
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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