How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
