dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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