I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
