the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
