Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize