All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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