Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
