Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
