I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
