Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
just tell him i said nine months
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
