I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
