I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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