Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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