why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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