I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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