Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
