i think my tv is drunk
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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