Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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