Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
