so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
