did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
