he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
