he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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