What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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