Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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