we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
