so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
