im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
