I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
