at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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